Tuesday, November 29, 2005

And the Weiner is...

Whoa, hey there. Not so fast, I'll get to the winner of the first and only notjoecheese brag-a-thon in a little bit, but first I'd like to share a letter that was inserted into my door on Sunday night or Monday morning. It is my first ever noise complaint and I'd like to address it line by line.

Dear (tenant's name),

OK, so far so good. Nice and friendly.

I am writing this letter to you in order to try and resolve the issue of your loud music which we have discussed on more than one occasion.

Ah, my first issue with this letter. You see, nobody has ever said anything to either me or my roommate about loud music. But that's a minor mistake, please continue.

Although you agreed that you would remedy the problem, you have made no effort to do so.

Again, I wasn't aware that there was a problem. Perhaps my telepathy is malfunctioning again, I'll call tech support immediately.

After consulting our tenancy act (see attached) I feel I have no other alternative but to contact the manager for assistance in solving the problem.

The manager hasn't said a word to me about this and I just said hello to her in the hall. Also, there was no tenancy act attached. Did you run out of crayons?

If that does not solve the issue I will contact the local authorities as there are laws against loud noise.

I wish there were laws against idiots.

I hope that we can come to some sort of an agreement as I have not had a good night's sleep because of the noise from your loud music. Sincerely,

I have to get up at 5:00am every morning and I seem to be able to sleep through the "loud music" in my apartment. And I would love to come to an agreement, but other than this letter I have had no contact from you, nor do I know who you are. (I haven't changed this letter at all. The page is ripped after "Sincerely.")

So there it is. I have a feeling they may have put it in the wrong door, but if it was indeed intended for me then I may be getting a visit from the fuzz. I'm resiting the urge to turn my stereo up to 11, but only barely.

Anyway, on with the contest results. I had a tough time deciding on a champion. Pockey's entry dove straight to my love of sharks, (they remind me of myself, we're both large and hungry... and we both have rows of razor sharp teeth) while Gareth's idea of getting revenge on the birds that constantly befoul (or befowl) my car was truly inspired. No entry made me laugh like Undr's Stephen Hawking race, which would have made some great headlines in the papers. "Local Boy Wins Race, Loses Dignity", "Winner Credits God... and Opponent's Weelchair", or "Stephen Hawking: Back to the Gym?" But in the end I have to give the award to the girl with those three small initials... tgp. Tgp's entry was funny, included other people, and was potentially harmful to Christmas trees, all components of a championship brag. As promised, I will write her name and a brief description of her entry on my hand, in pen, and will offer an explanation to anyone who inquires about said hand writing. I anticipate huge stardom for tgp and hope that she doesn't become too much of a celebrity to post with us anymore. Congrats to everyone who entered and remember to turn the music up.


Blogger Gareth said...

Geesh lost again dude! Always the bridesmaid never the bride ... wait what am I saying, geesh I had a good argument there and now I've forgotten it. Lol I'm off to bed now to dream about birds and Shippy. Yes that's what I'm going to do :-)

5:18 PM  
Blogger Pockey said...

Im with you gareth...never do i ever win, i mean we even share a love for sharks and nothing, although i have to say the xmas thing would be a blast. Congrats TGP!!

8:47 PM  
Blogger notjoecheese said...

Sleep tight, Gareth. Oh, and when you wake up I'm going to need that bridesmaid's dress back. My Christmas party is next weekend.

Pockey you were the runner up. If anything happens to tgp, you become the champeen, with all the duties that come with the position.

9:30 PM  
Blogger that girl possessed said...

wow. i'm overwhelmed. i'd like to tell you that i will do this and take pictures for you, well maybe not the mike attacking his parents tree, but a tree nonetheless.

thank you notjoecheese

10:03 PM  
Blogger shipkicker said...

well deserved tpg.
i love that the note is typed out with titles for 'fill in the blank' later. but it would have been cooler if it was made from cut out letters from magazines and pasted on a piece of paper. ransom style.

11:10 PM  
Blogger that girl possessed said...

curious: will there be photo proof of my brag on your hand?? does that mean mike h's name is on your hand aswell?? why is your milkshake better there mine? how much do you charge? and by music did your neighbour mean the audio on your porn??

curious, thats all.

1:01 PM  
Blogger notjoecheese said...

1. There won't be any photo proof, my word is bond. Thug Life!
2. The exact wording on my hand is as follows:
Christmas Present Surprise
3. I use real milk and real cream and real shake.
4. $4.50
5. Nobody complains about my porn soundtracks. Although some people do make the comment that they all sound alike.

5:22 PM  
Blogger Underachiever said...

hey thanks! It's good to be nominated and..wait! this sucks!


9:15 PM  
Blogger notjoecheese said...

Undr, my man, you're second to nobody... except in this case. Maybe I should write everyone else's entries on a less visible body part.
"Hey what's that written on your ass?"
"What this?"
"No, on the other cheek. Next to the tattoo of Secretariat."

4:01 PM  

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